WARCRAFT - A Really Long Rant On A Very Boring Film

Alright, it's time to rant.

It's going to be hectic, and probably involve a lot of pictures from Google.

WARCRAFT

"Does this have a Braveheart feel to it?"

So, here's a little backstory of how I ended up going to watch this awful film.

Back in the day (Probably 2006, 2007), I was pushed by many of my peers at school to go play 'World Of Warcraft" online and pay the subscription and I could do this and that so on so forth.

However, back then, my first computer that belonged to me was a very low spec machine that would be completely incapable of playing Warcraft on even low settings.

SO - 

I opted with the cheaper, less intensive game, Runescape. Which was decent and I spent so many hours just sitting there clicking a mouse, what a waste of time it was. And how much I paid to subscribe to be a member and be all awesome with member only armour and weapons etc.

"I did this for HOURS and HOURS. Sad."

After the Runescape era ended, I was once again told to go down the Warcraft path. In which I declined over and over. I moved on to First Person Shooters and single player stuff and couldn't be bothered with online MMORPGS etc.

So in my years of being involved with computers, job wise, etc. I had a lot of clients that always said -

"Will my machine play World Of Warcraft?".

- Well yes, you have a Core 2 Duo, 4GB RAM, 8800GT 512MB, no probs.

Examples like that. I looked up the specs of the game and really it doesn't require something top notch to play the game. But it's not just specs people needed to worry about, it was their internet connection that slowed the game down to a terrible rate.

"This PC plays Warcraft at 30FPS CONSTANT...as long as I don't have Ventrilo open."

Long story short - I never cared for the game, it's world, it's fandom etc. It is just simply not for me. That's a simple opinion. I played Runescape and spent too much time on that, why go to another one. I moved on.

SO - all the above can be skipped if you want, you can read on from here on -


*SPOILERS....SSSSSSSS..SS..SS..S*

Actually, you can skip a little more.
NOPE, you can read this now.
A friend and I were out going to some random stores having a look around and we were due to go to an auction that night. So we had a few hours to spare.
He suggested we go see Warcraft, but he did tell me that he has heard that critics don't like it. I told him I wasn't expecting much. And that's exactly what I got.
2 hours wasted. (Then again Runescape was like....100 hours wasted so whatever).
But I could have been doing something else better than watching this film.
Why?
Because it was....a jumbled, fumbled, warped, crazy film that only applies to those that are fans of the game and not your average filmgoer.

"So this film is going to be good right? What about the guy in the cape?"

I remember late last year seeing a 360 degree Virtual Reality trailer for the film and played around with that for 2 minutes before deciding that I didn't care. So that was the last I had to do with it. Until now.

RANT STARTS HERE - SO NOW THERE IS SOME SPOILERS
(If you know the game, then expect to know everything)

*I am also going off what I can remember. It's not a lot as it wasn't memorable to me anyways, which I will explain further down.

WARCRAFT started showing the logos, blasting some battle themed music, the Legendary logo appeared, then the Blizzard logo appeared. (Please, do not make films of video games. No more.)
Then we get some awkward shot and a boring narrative that was so vague, to me it was "These dudes don't like these dudes, so they have been fighting for years".
So it shows an...Orc...thing...and a guy in cheap looking armour that was pulled from a 60's re-enactment with the narration and then the guy getting plummeted by the Orc with a huge hammer. 

*CUT TO BLACK*

Wow. What a way to start the film. These monsters don't like humans! That is original!.....

So then we have, Main Story Orc Man, Main Story Orc Mans Wife having some random conversation about something. Main Story Orc Mans Wife is expecting a Main Story Orc Child. So we have to get that out of the way.

"Main Story Orc Man, visually, looking good, but other than that, boring."

Then we are thrown into what looks like a Renaissance carnival with some randoms talking, the Main Unlikable Guy Who Can Kill Anything, the King that has a $2 Crown plonked on his head, and some other useless characters also including Kid That Has Magic And Isn't Harry Potter.

"So you saying that if I have ONE sword, I can defeat a HORDE of huge monsters. Rad man!"

"Since when did my arm glow blue? Must have been one hell of a night!"

Why am I using names like that? Because honestly - I have absolutely no fucking idea what their names are.
They said their names in the film a few times, but, they aren't memorable.
I am not going to shout - OH THAT'S _blank_ FIGHTING _blank_ cause I have no clue who they are.
Whereas, even though I never read any of the Harry Potter books, YOU KNOW WHO the characters are only a few minutes into the film. Both films have bizarre names, but WARCRAFT just have names of characters that are made using someones fist bashing against a keyboard I would imagine. And same with the game.

ANYWAY.

Then Big Orc Group want to kill humans to take back their land and open some portal with the help of Main Story Evil Orc Magic Man blabbering some nonsense and stealing souls out of blue people.

"Rawr. Yeah I eat souls and stuff. Other than that, I mumble stuff."

We then see some half cast, I shall call her, Main Story Half Cast I'll Save The Day Thing, she isn't like the other Orcs, she is more human. So we see that and go, oh ok. WHERE THE FUCK DID SHE COME FROM?

There's all these Orcs who have the same features/build for each gender, then this one Half Cast that I thought, is that some of sort of experiment or something? I don't know, nor do I care.

*I will say the CGI of the Orcs was really good in particular scenes, you can see quite clearly that they are very well detailed, move realistically, and make you believe that they are real. Even though they are a work of a computer. You then have an Actress with the most unbelievable makeup applied to her - she sticks out like a sore thumb.
I almost feel sorry for her to be in the film, unless she really liked the game.

"Hey guys, we need a half cast thing, here's a woman who is willing to be one, let's paint her green and put these plastic fangs in her mouth and tell her to wear some garbage "clothing" and show eye candy - brilliant!".

Not to mention - I could BARELY understand what she was saying due to that horrible mouth prosthetic.

"Let's put her into this, it's eye candy for all the fans! And give her a shitty tusk prosthetic."

*NOOBS*

Honestly, if this Main Story Half Cast I'll Save The Day Thing was a part of ALL the other Orcs who are quite rough looking and tough, she has chains around her and is pulled around by them, yet her fang/tusk things are whiter than my own fucking teeth, clean as a whistle. A little detail like that made me wonder why that would be. She is thrown around and pulled around and wearing close to fuck all, yet manages to pull off pearly whites. Yeah, I am believing this.

So we go back to the Kingdom Of The Fools in....Iron...let's think of a name. IronButt - there we go.

"Flying to...that place"

They gather there and find out that evil Orcs are taking over parts of their world and taking humans, they have to stop them! But how!

A GUARDIAN called...er....Main Story Guy Who Wears A Cape And Looks Like A Ripoff Wizard From A B-Movie.
He can save the day for sure!

"I am Zordon Of Eltar!"

He mentions to main unlikable guy who can kill anything who is the kid that has magic downstairs, meaning he can sort of be telepathic. Yet couldn't work out where the Orcs were. But of course, story, cause in the end he becomes Ivan Ooze. No shit.

(Also, yes, I will say the Power Rangers Movie was better than Warcraft. Sigh)

"NO SHIT, he looked like this by the end of the film"

I am going to now save everybody the hassle of reading more of me trying to explain the story and summarise it up in a paragraph. Or 2.

They all go to battle, half cast ends up with humans to defeat orcs, some kid dying, good guardian is actually evil, one Orc is trying to make peace and then at the end all is solved. End.

"Thumbs up, end of story, see how easy it is!"

See wasn't that hard to explain it
However, the story has SO MUCH SHIT going on I don't know what to follow.

"WE MUST GO TO....IRONBUTT....."
"WE MUST TALK TO THESE RANDOMS!"
"HERE IS A TABLE WITH BATTLE PLANS! LET'S IGNORE THEM!"
"DAD I AM A SOLDIER, I SHALL DIE FOR YOU IN HONOUR!"
"I AM A HALF CAST, WHY AM I HERE AND WHERE DID I COME FROM?"
"I AM EMPEROR ZURG, SWORN ENEMY OF THE GALACTIC ALLIANCE!"

I give zero fucks about the story.

For 2 hours there are all these story arcs that happen, I couldn't keep up with all of them. The main point was X vs X. With some shit happening between.

There were so many parts of the film that started with something then just, cut's itself off and sweeps itself under the carpet to lay dormant.
You cut from one place to another and expect to go 
"OH YEAH THAT'S CAUSE SUCH AND SUCH IS GOING TO DO SUCH AND SUCH".
A lot of the film was predictable in such, you knew, ok they showed that REALLY close so you know later on that the Guardian is bad.

"Will my shitty tusk things get stuck in your beard if I tried to eat your face?"

I almost feel like for this 2 hour film, they had a 10 hour story line that *may* have been good for normal moviegoers, instead just shove EVERYTHING we can into 2 hours.

None of the characters were memorable, except for half cast, because of how poor she actually looked in the film.

The main character had a son, but, he dies in the film and it's sort of like. And? It didn't change anything. He was a character we seen on screen for all but 2 minutes and then he dies IN HONOUR, and?
The King was either married to the main guys sister or something like that. She looked nothing like anyone else, so, why not.
The magic kid looked like he just rocked up from a cosplay from the game and they threw him in the film just for kicks and associated him with someone from the game.
The main Orc visually was impressive, but, I know nothing else.
The villains weren't interesting. Just typical "Destroy the world stuff"
And then good guys saying "If we don't do this, the world is destroyed!"
EEE TEE CEE
The settings of the film were so bland and just not interesting. They spent most of the money into making the Orcs look good (Which they did - 1 POINT for that) - and the rest of the money giving this almighty king of IronButt a crown that looked so poor it could be found at a dollar store.
When there is the HUGE battle taking place at the end of the film, it is did remind me of a packed area in an MMORPG with everyone just throwing swords around and getting "pwned".

"The epic battle. SWING, SWOOSH, BOOM, BANG!"

Also, a lot of Orcs and Humans got killed, we see Orc blood, but we barely see any human blood. I guess to appeal to younger audiences. But there was some gnarly kills that looked cool, but were very quick and right to the point.
(AND the predictable, main hero against big guy almost get's hit but then is saved by some random who is more powerful!).

The props and etc just did not look like they were up to par. The swords looked tacky, the special effects for magic looked really really tacky. MY EYES GLOW AND BLUE LIGHTS! Send me to a rave and I might see some better effects.

So many scenes you could point out - that's in front of a green screen, or a blue screen, whichever was easier for the SFX crew.
One point during the film the Magic Kid jumps up a few rocks to get to a cliff area and he looks like he is just jumping up some wood carvings made to look like rocks. Just unbelievable. You could argue that "They were trying to make the film look the game". Then I demand to see the film in 640 x 480 resolution and at 10 frames a second and extreme lag and pop up!

"Two men enter, one man leaves. So the Orc must die of course with just a slice of a sword..."

The dialogue was just boring. No one exchanged words that you could be like - oh yeah they said this etc. The main character interacts with everyone like he left clicked on them and chose a question and an NPC answered. It was so two dimensional in terms of dialogue. 

"Still better dialogue than - we must get to IronButt!"

With the ending of the film, I felt like nothing was actually achieved. And it sets up for a follow up film.
Now the problem with this is - fans are flocking to see this.
Critics who go see this hate it so much.
So the fans have made enough money for Blizzard to literally build a twelve story mansion out of $100 bills, Bllizard made the fans have to wait for expansions (I think), yet, pour more money into the franchise to make more, to make more money - *trigger pull.

"I ain't messing with these guys, the true fans that will defend this. This was made for them"

The fans themselves either like the game, or REALLY like the game. That's absolutely fine. If you really like something and are very passionate about it, I understand that people hating on it will get to them as it's something they feel they should defend.

"The cover art of the famous World Of Warcraft"

In response to that, there's stuff that other people like and those fans shoot down the others that like something else. WARCRAFT is one of those things that is known around the world and anything that happens to that franchise is going to bring in news, rumours, etc. 

I don't want to offend the fans on anything I have written in context, it's just that from my perspective, not knowing anything about the film, the setting, where and when it takes place that's left quite ambiguous throughout the film just makes it something that was made for fans and only fans.
I also thought, maybe the cinema should give people going in to see it that known the name, but nothing else some sort of summary on what is exactly going on instead of walking into a theatre and going, right so that's Man With Staff, that's Golem the Clay Monster thing, that's the pool of blue magic that does things.

In short, if you are a fan of the game and know the environments, characters, the motivations and expect the film to be a big battle and have very little dialogue that's more like you asking an NPC where the toilet is, then you will enjoy it.

Also - WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE LEEROY JENKINS REFERENCE!?!
COME ON, IF IT WAS MADE FOR THE FANS, PUT THE GOD DAMN REFERENCE IN! 
I would have at least cracked a smile in the film instead of the stupid Magic Kid bumping into stuff.

"LEEEERROOOOOY JENKINNNNNNNS"

For normal moviegoers, this is no Lord Of The Rings, this is no Eragon, this is no Neverending Story, no Harry Potter, nothing on any level of the above films. It's way below average with a very predictable plot, poor dialogue choices, poor props and settings, and too much money on making the bad guys look good (And to be honest, better than the actual actors/actresses).
This is a film that you will forget. While trying to type this out I have already forgotten about 90% of what I watched. I don't plan on seeing it again unfortunately. But the film is doing well at the box office due to the fans, thus it's in one point, a hit film, but to most, just another average "let's make a film based on a game".

I should've went and seen "Now You See Me 2". Would've spent that $10 just for Woody Harrelson making some one liners and puns.

END

For now...until the second one comes out in like, a year. But my friend and I definitely walked out going - never again shall we see something like this.

Sigh. Time to put some good movies back into my brain.

"I should've done this in the first 5 minutes of the film"

Alright, so you remember that post from a little while back?

This one to be EXACT

Well if it isn't a blatantly obvious statement that "Accidents happen".

There's a certain point where you go, yes, accidents happen, yes they can change your life so on so forth.

So a *friend* of mine tells me after my little...actually sorry let me correct this.

I had a head on collision and was lucky to be alive. 
To this friend - it was absolutely NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT NOTHING HAPPENED LALALALA.

So THEY have the audacity to turn around and text me out of the fucking blue and go "OH SOMEONE HIT ME FROM BEHIND AT SUCH AND SUCH AND NOW MY NECK HURTS AND SHOULDER HURTS AND ARGH"......"But the car is perfectly fine".

My response -

So yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Wait...hang on. Another text you say?

"THE DOCTORS SAY I HAVE PTSD FROM THE INCIDENT THAT OCCURED 3 DAYS AGO!"

 I seriously almost died. It made me laugh so much. I was thinking - 

                        ARE YOU CRAZY, ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR MIND!?

See, serious time now.

Soldiers that go into war torn countries who see their friends blown to pieces by hidden bombs, go through all the stress, anxiety, frustration, everything and they come back to society and they develop PTSD over time and feel depressed, some get help and try to overcome it and some get defeated by it and commit suicide. Which is definitely sad. Other examples for developing PTSD (Which, in case you were wondering it's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), are Sexual Abuse, Domestic Violence, any traumatic event which causes you to lose your clarity and awareness and go into a dark and deep depression.

After me having a head on collision with another vehicle, it is a traumatic experience for sure. But did I develop PTSD over that? Certainly not. I think back and go, all these soldiers who fought for our countries that come back with PTSD - they are not seeking attention, or sympathy, they are genuinely shattered by what they seen, what they heard and what they were put into.

You do NOT develop PTSD after a car barely hits you from behind.

Now - less serious.

I jumped straight in my car, went down to the address and had a look at the car. And literally the smallest crack in the bumper. Literally, hairline, like nothing had happened. That's when I pretty much lost it. It's all a lie for attention and trying to one up me on what happened to me.

Guess what? It's not going to happen.

Also, funny thing is, this *friend* is STILL driving. If you have PTSD after having an accident wouldn't you be so terrified of having to get back behind the wheel? 

I think I just hit the nail on the head here folks. My friend*** is a liar, and unfortunately, I am not taking any of their shit. My thoughts are with those who truly suffer with PTSD and have to live each day with this disorder. Not those who seek attention by claiming they have something that a clear Google search can justify within minutes.

This is how I imagine the accident to be like -

Enough said.

Just a quick one: Have I mentioned how much I hate Storage Wars?

                              If you don't know already, you do now.

I hate Storage Wars.

Because I am interested in second hand stuff, and what people do and can find out in the world, I tend to get - sucked in - to these sorts of shows.

Reality TV = Staged.

Shit, since the dominance of reality shows from the late 90's and early 2000's hit, we have had a number of crap reality TV shows that are as scripted as a news broadcast. Made to look "EXCITING" and "THRILLING" and all the words that flash before your eyes going - this is going to be great.

Anyway *slap

I can't help but watch Storage Wars after Pawn Stars (Yes, it's staged, a bit, I think...) as it is right after it. And I am talking (At the moment) just the standard Storage Wars which has

*Idiot #1

*Idiot #2

*Idiot #3

*And the couple of idiots.

This trash bag Darrell, the excruciatingly annoying YUUUUUUUP guy, the Cholo guy and his misses and Barry (Well, he's not that bad of a guy).

So we have some characters that are not likeable at all from the get go. Except Barry - From here, he ain't included.

But to have ugly mugs like this face - 

"DURR I CAN BUY THIS LOCKER, THESE GUYS ARE IDIOTS HUYGH HUYGH HUYGH"

Anyway. Point being. They all bicker at each other, every episode is the same shit over and over.

Summary:
Idiots drive to storage place backstabbing one another while on their way saying how they will make loads of money today. Get to the auction. Same shit is said. They stick their noses into lockers. Bidding starts. Bidding ends. Screenshot of winning bidder is shown. Repeat from sticking noses into lockers another 2 more times. Then get to the "let's see how much money I made".

Alright - PERFECT EXAMPLE.

One episode which I will NEVER EVER forget.
It was the one the made me almost spit out whatever beverage I had in my mouth at the time all over the place because I couldn't control my laughter/anger.

One episode had some unknown guy (He was wearing like, a silk shirt and looked like he drives a fucking gold BMW, but anywho).
He buys a locker and starts going through it.
He finds a Nintendo Entertainment System.
Ok fair enough, you paid like, $7000 for this locker and you find a NES. Ok, so it's like, $100 if in working order and comes with accessories.

NO WAY MAN.

NAH.

This guy is like
"SEE THIS HERE, THIS IS THE FIRST NENTENDOH EVAH MAD, LUK, NES-001, FIRST WAHN, I SEE DIS WAHN GO ON EEEEEHBAH FOR $10,000"

I am just like..lol wut.

For reference, I googled and his name is Mark Belalo.

For your enjoyment - here is the link to his huge fuck up 

 This sums it up right here. HOW FUCKING DUMB CAN YOU BE?!

Now example number 2 is, once someone "wins" a locker. They sure know their prices (Refer to fuck head above).

They just grab random things and are like "THATS $40 RIGHT THERE FOR THIS ONE"
Ok, if they own a shop and operate like this, I understand they may have a rough idea of what an item is worth, but to sit there and be like "I WILL GET $40 FOR THIS!" is just utterly inept and stupid.
If they say "Oh, I think I might be able to get $40 on a good day, maybe $30, not sure". It seems reasonable.
Because think about it, they say it is worth X amount.
They have to transport it to wherever.
Test it/clean it/advertise it etc.
Then it may sit there for months and they may get X minus X amount in the end 5 months later.

It all depends on the buyer of the item, the day, the economy, everything.
I just hate how all these guys are so egotistical about finding something and say they will get this amount for an item, even having the show ending with what "Profit" they made. With the amount of episodes, there's no way they could provide the exact info of how much they made. It should be an "estimate" cost of what they "may" have. I emphasise on those words because you can't say a cost on an item. It's an estimate, and it's a maybe you will get that amount.

But, all in all, it's staged anyway, but it's so badly staged that it makes me want to just scream why and bang my head against a wall.
The sad part is, I still watch the fucking show. If it's on, I will just sit there and watch it. But get angry at it, and then fuck off to wherever.

Bah, I won't win. And then don't forget the show has 90 million spin offs in Texas and Canada and Australia and etc and THEY ARE ALL THE SAME.
The dialogue, the characters, all the same. Nothing changes. Still annoying, still idiotic. It's like a contemporary melodramatic symphony of extreme egotism.
Get that one through your head.

Cause I can't.

Don't you love Darrell Sheets face?!
How about.....DAVE HESTER!?
THE CHOLO GUY?

What about Barry. Man he gets around in a silver custom bike thing. Respect man.
Even though, you are probably a rich bastard and are paid to ride around in it. You are still cool though and are at least less annoying than the rest.

That's my say for today. 

^_^ 

This is a bit out of the blue...BUT

So it has been 10 days now since a bit of a drastic event happened in my life.

I won't go a lot into details.

Sort of looked like this - 

In a nutshell.

And like, these things happen yeah?

It's called an "accident".

Unless it's defined in Webster's Fucking Dictionary/Encyclopedia/Dramatical bullshit book this.

When you a make a mistake, it's an accident. Unless you kind of did it on purpose in which is doesn't really relate to the word 'accident".

Anyway!

Why am I talking about this?

Because I fucking can. And after 10 days I can talk all I want about it.

Right so after the above gif can tell you, it went along those lines right.
I was injured but yet, none of the police, ambulance or fire services ACTUALLY checked to see if I was ok, considering I was lying on the side of the fucking road.

BUT before they all got there. Here's a rough transcript of what I can pretty much remember, wait, one GIF comes to mind first -

Yeah something like that.

So once it happened I was pretty much like, what the fuck happened etc etc. You know what the call SHOCK.

And all I remember was seeing this god damn Snorlax open my car door and practically took a swing at me.

Actually, you know what, let's not do a transcript. Let's just put it like this

"I WOULD KILL YOU RIGHT NOW FOR WHAT YOU DID, YOU ARE A FUCKING USELESS PIECE OF SHIT and so on so forth".

Furthermore there were more words mentioned.

But she was an arrogant, fucked up, idiotic, stupid person.
I CAN DRIVE A FUCKING HUGE FOUR WHEEL DRIVE TO PUT ONE SHOPPING BAG IN.

Don't drive a fucking massive car then. OH THIS CAR IS WORTH X AMOUNT OF MONEY.
Do I care now. Nup. It's fucked so, i'll just walk away now.

Long story is, for the last 10 days I have battled and battled with all of this shit and finally yesterday it came to a close.

I felt like this -

An absolutely great outcome for me. And now I just went fuck it, I can live life again and not have to worry about this bitch.

She can stay right the fuck out of my life and I CAN move on.

With the exception of leaving this post with this

C. Osborne -

Lots of love from me. Good luck with your life and thanks for fucking mine up too! You're welcome.

WTF is wrong with Gumtree etc?

Alright, alright.

Here it all comes, no holding back here, this is seriously - really - really - really - fucking bothering me.

Gumtree! Craigslist! All these fucking sites that let you sell and buy goods with the hopes of leaving your phone number to let someone get back to you with something you may be interested in, and vice versa.

So right, here I am trying to sell one thing on Gumtree.
I put EVERYTHING in the listing, from what the fucking thing does to what it looks like to serial numbers everything. EVERYTHING.

Everything to not let someone ask questions about the item that I haven't managed to cover.

YET

There are still braindead people who ask the most obviously stupid questions that make you sit there and scratch your head going, what the fuck?!
IT'S RIGHT THERE. IN THE AD. READ IT. RTFM.
I think people tend to look at the price, look at the picture, read the title and then go - I AM GOING TO ASK IF THIS ITEM WORKS!

So that's definitely one thing that fucks around with me. When you get your inbox flooded with questions of people asking the obvious questions. I understand if I am trying to sell something, I am sort of obliged to answer questions relating to it - however, when the answer is one click away, why the fuck should I sit here and write out the answer to their question only for them to completely ignore me and sail off to Papua New Guinea or some shit.

But what really, really, fucking really gets me uptight is the time wasters.
You got the braindeads, the Time Wasters and then the rest.

Time wasters - Shows interest in the item and then never responds ever again.
So these fucks think they are smart and go ahead and show interest in the item and will come and pick it up. But ask to email them my address and contact.
NO. STOP.
Fucking see the contact number in my listing - send me a text to that or call me.
So they use a private number and call.
DONT FUCKING HIDE BEHIND A PRIVATE NUMBER YOU BASTARD.
Just, call me, and say "Hey, is this available, can I come get it".
Right so it sounds hopeful, you have contact with the person, they want the item.
You say right, well here's the address to come pick it up, they respond, yeah no problems I will be there in 2 hours.

2 hours later.

Where the fuck are they?
*Sends text an hour later - "Are you coming to get the item still?"
.........
....

..
No answer.

Time waster. Thank you for fucking up.
But I have your phone number, so I can CALL you and ask, "Hey what's going on?".
Calling....calling.....calling......voicemail.
Wonderful.

So far, on one item I have tried to sell, I have been polite with each question and person who has enquired, but 6 fucking times I have been fucked around and it's just literally got my head in a fucking vice grip squeezing so hard my head is bound to explode at any stage.

It's the fact that these total strangers get your address then never turn up. It makes you wonder, now what the fuck could they do with that? They have my name, address and a phone number. That's not safe in my books at all.

Honestly, is there a safer way to go about this. Any fuck could just get on there and spam the shit out of any person and fuck them around twice as hard. It's just not fair on the person that's trying to sell an item.

If you are in the buying position and the person that you are trying to contact, never answers the phone or has sold the item but never took it down, then there's another complete headfuck that makes you go, WHY you incoherent bastard. Is it not that hard to go - DELETE MY AD. THANK YOU.

It's never that easy, in either way, it's never easy. And that sucks.

With eBay and sites that actually make you put your legal information in, it gives you the protection that you need to make a transaction properly. I mean something could always happen with an eBay transaction but the fact that each party has legal details and etc. And the fact you can make your eBay have "members who have -5 feedbacks in their history can not buy from you" & etc. You have the right to control your sales in a way which is quite easy.

I understand Gumtree and Craigslist is a different matter. It's like a paper "Buy & Sell" sort of matter. But you think with being online it's not just some marketplace for any fuck to come around and make an asshat of themselves.

That's the matter of fact. It's just really getting to me. Day after day, time waster after time waster, braindead question after another. It's really quite pathetic. It's like a trolling ground with gates that have a huge sign *WELCOME ALL YOU STUPID FUCKS*

Bleh. It's just shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Please, let me know when things are sorted and people can buy and sell and everything goes right? That would make me happy.

Speaking of which I should check and see if I have any questions or lowball offers (Oh don't get me started on fucking lowball offers)......

AHHHHH DONT OFFER ME FUCKING $50 WHEN I AM ASKING $100. YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR. CAPS RAGE.

Half the time I really feel like just being a total clown and responding to these people in an idiotic matter to put my response and thought processes down to their level.

It's just shit. Ok. Shit.

Imagine there's an image macro with my frustration here.

Otherwise just keep moving on.

Bastards.

The New STAR WARS Film (And rant about the other films)

So here it is upon us, another Star Wars film.

I can't say that I am a huge fan of the franchise. I did watch the ORIGINAL Trilogy a lot when I was younger and I quite enjoyed it all, even though I didn't particularly get a lot of it anyway, I still watched the 1997 VHS Boxset re-release thing (That I still have).

Over the years I have seen the PREQUEL Trilogy come out, a number of re-edits of the ORIGINAL (Why am I using caps, to point out the different fucking films) a shit load of merchandise and now finally, the seventh film in the series - The Force Awakens.

Now, I will be absolutely honest and say, it didn't need to happen. They did not need to go ahead and add another film (And subsequently another 2 more films of this new trilogy).

Re-watching the ORIGINAL trilogy a while back, I found a number of things to pick at and say, no it's not like that at all blah blah blah. But it started and it ended clean and clear. Basic plot of intergalactic battles turns into family problems and more battles. Anyway, in conclusion, that's that.

I will admit, sigh, here I go. I happened to have a copy of The Phantom Menace on VHS and watched it a few times, I actually only remember Jake Lloyd in the film as he was in "Jingle All The Way" (Which his role in that is way better than in Phantom Menace), but if you questioned me today on what I remember about the Phantom Menace, I might struggle and go, er, Darth Maul and, the kid, and podracing. That's literally about it. Ask me about the ORIGINAL trilogy and yeah I could be like, well this happened so on so forth.

To this day, I have not seen "Attack Of The Clones" and "Revenge Of The Sith". I think early, 2005?, I was at a friends house and they had I think the Sith one on and I remember a very poor CGI shot of, what I assume was Anakin, with no arms and no legs screaming on a rock with lava surrounding him. I have no idea if this scene actually exists or not, would be interesting to see if it actually does exist. But I have zero interest in watching either films. In fact any of the PREQUEL films.

Since CinemaSins did a "EWW" with the Phantom Menace, I knew I had to watch it and I got a good laugh out of it all. But then Attack Of The Clones EWW was posted and I just, can't, just, justify to have anything to do with those films.
It's bad enough I watched the Phantom Menace but, we all know the reason behind the PREQUELS. Lucas needed Money, let's release some crap!

Moving forward, we are now almost at the end of 2015. We have all been teased with screenshots and behind the scenes looks of "The Force Awakens". And although I have seen bits and pieces here and there, I have not seen any trailer released for the film. I caught a snippet of some dude (Presumably, a Sith Hound Maul Lord) with a "Double Edged Lightsaber from Star Wars Episode One....The Phantom Menace" < (You don't know what that's from, Google is your friend).
I think I had a look at the poster, then I look over at my wall and see the original 1977 poster for the first film (Sigh....A New Hope), and it's like, it's got fancy colors and, stuff.

I am by no means anywhere near a hardcore fan, yet alone to be even calling myself a fan, I just enjoy the ORIGINAL films for what they are, practical effects, great battle scenes, the iconic Darth Vader, Harrison Ford, the Storm Trooper that bangs his head on the door....



*BOOP*

But now, I give zero fucks about the PREQUEL trilogy. It's just, meh. Never will watch any of them, ever. Even people bagging them, just can't do it. They don't exist.

So which brings me to the long awaiting, what the fuck is going to happen when "The Force Awakens" arrives into all of our cinemas on December 18th.

To be honest, it's hard to really say.

One thing I can be sure of it - it's not going to be a box office bomb. It's going to literally obliterate any film that came out this year in terms of revenue. That is the most absolute definite prediction that's in the bag.

The merchandise - with countless stores selling EVERYTHING about Star Wars (I admit the re-releases of the 1977 Kenner figures is fucking awesome), what's going to happen if the movie is a success, but people don't like it, the merchandise is going to end up in discount stores after all the money has been made. Sorry this is a continuation of the above prediction. Moving on.

JJ Abrams directing the film, he worked on Lost, the new Star Trek films and all sorts of other works. But to be given this task, it's a big gap to fill. It's either going to be a hit or miss. Without Lucas getting in the way of any of the directing duties, it may actually end up alright and we may have a winner on our hands. However, with what happened with Star Trek with people not liking it and...

LENS FLARE

So, likely, there's going to be that. I believe his directing is much better than what Lucas could pull nowadays (Heck even Tommy Wiseau could bust out something better than what Lucas could do now, I went too far. Too late)

With the original main cast returning, what's going to happen with continuity? Are we going to be pushed up to date with it? Although it's pretty much been confirmed, yes it will etc etc. It leaves many questions to be answered when it arrives, will any of the PREQUEL shit be mentioned or will it be swept under the carpet and not even mentioned (This would be good, but I would probably understand .1% of what they are referring to, but if nothing is mentioned, it's not a big deal anyway.

I just keep thinking to myself, people are going to walk out of the theater from all this hype with not much to hype on. I don't want to rain on anyone's parade here but, it happens with a lot of films. Overhyped and then fail.

Everywhere I have been and visited has had anything and everything Star Wars related. It's like "It's got to be good or else this is just for nothing". However, money and well....money can be used for goods and services!

Part of me wanted to buy the ORIGINAL Trilogy on Blu-Ray before I go and try my luck with the new film, I hesitated...for about half an hour and then decided against it all. I would rather watch the original released VHS versions (Which I scored from an old Video Rental place a while ago) where they are unedited before the re-release...and other re-releases of the ORIGINAL. It still feels good to actually sit back and enjoy how they were released and not been tampered with. I do want to watch the trilogy again (I do have digital copies anyway) just to get a bit prepared and up to date with everything that goes on in the new film. I don't care what's canon, who shot first, which hand flew off or anything like that. Learn the jargon again, watch the new film, decide if it was any good or not.


These are what you SHOULD be watching. On your VHS Player!
Also these aren't my tapes man.

Expectations for the new film keep going UP....down....UP.....down. I don't know how I really stand in having a total of Seven installments. From reading above, I am a grump who just whines at every move that a studio makes. It's not really like that. It's just, thank you Disney for taking the rights from Lucas because he was only going to ruin anything to do with Star Wars even further and possibly make the hardcore fans even angrier. Just my worries that a redesigned, hyped up, fancy looking, all new film that has Star Wars bumped on it will obviously be huge (It has already proved to be), what do the fans think? Probably really good on every scale with the film. But if it ends up just flopping but doing well in revenue, they will just keep releasing them until there's no more left in the universe to write about. It's no way to go about it MONEY......MONEY....PROFIT. You get the idea.

Quick look on the WIKERPEDIAZ and IMDB just for a scroll through I learnt some of the names in the film like, that guy and, her! I think it will be like OH C3-P0 and R2-D2 and Luke, Chewie etc etc and then, who are these guys, why are flying round, alien, this, what, I get NOTHING (Looks at phone and starts to just tweet rampage).
I don't know, as I mentioned, I honestly can't predict anymore than just, it's either going to just bomb (But do well in revenue) and if Abrams stepped up and have made fans happy and if the production company has left creative control to whoever was working on the film then, yeah not much concern I wouldn't imagine.

I'm seeing it on Sunday, so, few days after it's been out. (Ugh the Cinemas are going to probably offer all the BS merchandise) - HINT - stay AFTER the film finishes and everyone leaves then go around to every seat and take all the cups and merch left behind so YOU don't have to pay for it all, then collect it all and sell it on eBay....cough...didn't do this with Jurassic World or Terminator Genysys....certainly not. Come on you want me to pay $20 for a large drink in a plastic cup with a fucking dinosaur printed on it! Nah just stay till after it finished and bring a bag!


Don't leave any of that merchandise you paid for behind. Whoops too late. KTHXBAI.

The cups are probably going to be all black with STAR WARS written on them and the straw will be a silly lightsaber or something. Does anyone remember the ORIGINAL trilogy release back in the 80's with the tie in promotional items you got when you seen the film? They were actually quite decent and are worth a bit nowadays. Varying from theater to theater one would assume, in America where it has been hyped up SO MUCH that there are going to be awesome merch from the Cinemas, whereas in other countries maybe not so much.

"Here you go young Billy, here's your inflatable lightsaber!"
*pfffffffffffffffffft
"Another one is going to be $15, you know that right"

Anyways, I'll leave it here and let the internet debate over how great it's was or wasn't. But don't mention no PREQUEL shit, you can just 

GTFO.

May some force thing be with you and stuff.

*Waiting for internet to burst into a clusterfuck of arguements about the film....it's going to happen.

News - Man with a knife who climbed up a tree magically summons 40 heavily armed officers and a negotiator. WTF?

I shit you not.

This appeared in my local news. I honestly have no idea how this even got on the news to begin with!

So. Idea was. Some guy was running through an open park about an hour from where I am. People called the police (Fair enough).

Police turn up. 40 Officers, heavily armed (Tactical gear, armored, shotguns etc) and a negotiator.

The man had climbed a tree, which is no more than 20 feet high (Edit, probably 30 feet...still!). He's right at the top with his 30CM blade (Which they don't know if it's a long knife or a Machete).

The Police have been standing around for this guy to come down and have been "peacefully negotiating" with him to come down. Although it has now been several hours.

Sorry if you didn't catch on there, I will help you.

Man with a 30cm knife. NOTHING ELSE.
Police are called.
40 Officers show up with a negotiator as the man climbs a tree.
Someone said he was going to kill them.
Police are now standing near the tree looking above and waiting.

Are you fucking serious?

Woah woah woah. So hang on a minute here. What did I just say?

40 OFFICERS FOR ONE GUY.

ONE GUY.

UP A FUCKING TREE.

One shot to the kneecap, he would fall and they could instantly apprehend him and take him to the hospital, get him fixed up and ask questions later.

Instead! The police have a great idea!

"LETS ALL GO DOWN THERE AND STAND AROUND. SHIT ALL THIS TACTICAL GEAR IS HERE, LETS USE IT! IT'S ALL GOVERNMENT FUNDED! FUCK IT BROS!"

Honestly, if you are where I am, the Police system is absolutely ridiculous.
They could've just sent 2 Officers down and rightfully got this guy.

BUT MAN HE IS UP A FUCKING TREE.
CHAINSAW THE TREE DOWN MAKING HIM FALL!
WHO GIVES A SHIT! THIS GUY DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED!
*Although, the Police are to be blamed at this point for letting it go SO long*.

I wish I was making all this up as it seems utterly absurd. But, it's not.

*Lemme Google to see if it's still going*

Yes. As of 1PM on the 4/5/2015 to the current time of writing which is 11:10PM on the 4/5/15. This guy is up the tree.

Want to see what the Police are up to, or what they have been up to - 

*Sir, um, don't throw any leaves at us. Or any sticks. That may cause serious injury!*

Ok so yes, this man may be able to throw the knife and injure one of the Officers.
However!
I wouldn't be worried about all the Officers. They are decked out in this -

*I am a Special Operations Officer on duty to get a man down from a tree with my Pump Action Shotgun and Tear Gas and Armor and all that. Because he just may throw a stick at me!*

Just...look at them all....

*What should we be doing Sir?*
MAKE SURE THE GRASS IS STILL FINE!

Someone captured this photo (Courtesy of this person, you made the story!)
Ok...so the tree is not 20 feet high. Probably a little over 30 feet high.
SHOOT THE GUY AND LET HIM FALL. DO NOT LETHALLY SHOOT HIM! Just..you know...maybe throw a stick at the guy as a counter measure you know?

*I am standing on these rocks to protect them from that evil man in the tree!*

*On our phones and playing Candy Crush. Hey does anyone know where the nearest Maccas is?*

Ok that's enough. That's enough. The media, Police and etc are taking this WAY too far.
It could be solved SO EASILY!

So put it this way then.
An Officer, on a usual on the job drive, sees a driver pulling in and out of lanes.
The Officer then speeds after the other driver and pursues him until he pulls over.
The Officer steps out of the car, on his own, armed only with a handgun, tear gas, walkie and high visibility jacket, approached the car with caution.
The Officer then knocks on the drivers window.
The window unwinds with a squealing noise and shows a man in a black hoodie.
"Sir, why were you driving erratically back there?"
The driver then turns to his left and pulls a gun out and fatally shoots the Officer and drives off.

One Officer injured, a man on the run, a family left in grief etc.

Now look at the situation above, analyze it, now compare it to the main story.

Yeah....exactly right.

Police you get my applause for your absolutely idiotic reaction to this.
There are SERIOUS crimes out there. Go do something better than standing around and talking to this guy up a tree hoping he will just you know, come down and go, "No sweat bros, was waiting for the right moment!"
Then the Police all laugh and walk away and go "Hah, Silly Man!"
Pffft.
The next morning this WILL STILL BE GOING!

*Maybe we should poke the tree sir!*
*I've played Pokemon Gold and Silver! Spray the tree with a squirt bottle and the tree may get up and move!*

I can't make much more sense out of this situation, only to make it seem like a complete joke. This guy is just chilling in a tree with a knife. And there's a swarm of cops under him just waiting.....and....er...waiting...and waiting..........zzzzzzzz.

Fuck it, let's all give a warm applause for the efforts of the Tactical Teams and the negotiator and etc!

Me -

TRG-SH